[here it is] :: AGAIN :: [and it stings like the] :: FIRST TIME ::

[maxasaurusrex]

Something that hardcore frustrates me is when I pay way too much attention to peoples journals. I watch someones journal, and then I watch the post count on their user page, and if the post count goes up but the entries dont, I know there are locked entries. And yeah, I'm just as bad as Mohinder for wanting to know peoples secrets, Im just ten times less transparent about it. I mean, if they had a post count like mine, which I'm pretty sure is close to 150 at that point, people wouldnt notice that I'm locking posts. But if you're at, oh, ten, then its really obvious. Or maybe I just pay too much attention.

Comments

[tiptoe39.livejournal.com]

try not to assume the worst.
it could be a private roleplay.
it could be family-only or significant-other only.
it could be an opt-in filter that you maybe missed the invitation for.
it could be a personal thing like a to-do list or a self-reminder.
it could be that they're not sure whether to make it public yet or not, as i do with a lot of my posts.
it could be it's a fanfic in progress.

don't let your mind tell you bad messages about things you don't know about. breathe.

[citiesfalling.livejournal.com]

But I am so bad at that.

I have this deep seated paranoia that people are talking about me meanly behind my back, and even though I logically understand that they arent, I still fear.

What if the locked post on my friends journal is "Lord, Max is so annoying." I think I'd fall over from sad. And since I dont know what it actually says, I think the worst automatically.

I'd rather be wrong than let down.

[tiptoe39.livejournal.com]

I was really bad at it, too. To the extent that I was shamed out of the fandom for several months, and I still fuck things up every so often.

It's a matter of trusting that the bad feeling will go away eventually, and it's a matter of realizing that when you post publicly, it can be hurtful to your friend, who might now start thinking, "Max doesn't think I'm a very nice person." So you can be hurting yourself and MAKING the paranoia real even if it wasn't before.

Not a lecture, just my experience, ok?

I have to go now. i'm happy to talk about this more with you.

[citiesfalling.livejournal.com]

Just as a note to my friensd with locked posts; I do know that you probably arent talking about me behind my back. I'm just an insecure teenager.