(no subject)

This is just the hurt that keeps on hurting. All I feel is pain. 

I still love him so much. It causes me so much pain to see him leave. It causes me so much pain every time she calls. I swear to god, she's retarded. When I said dont call, I meant dont call. Of if you fucking /have/ to, tell him when you're calling so /I/ dont have to hear your voice.

I hope you're happy, Laurel. I really do. I hope you have fun when you realize you probably arent going to university. You fucked around with Will too much during school. I expect that you'll get a letter of rejection soon, if you havent already. Congratulations. You screwed yourself royally. I hope you're happy with the knowledge of what you've done to me. All I ever did was try to help you, and try to be a good friend. I'm bad at people. But I did my best. And you threw it in my face and you broke me. You are the cause for my pain. I cried for a solid week. I /still/ have no appetite. I think I'm developping an eating disorder and I'm not in an okay mental state to help it. I hope you're happy that what should be the happiest time in my life is now ruined. I hope you're happy with the damage you've caused. I was willing to go to most extents for our friendship. And all you could do was lie and stab me in the back. I hope you remember this for the rest of your life, because I know I will. I will always remember how someone I trusted unconditionally stole away the best thing that ever happened to me. For once, I was happy. I was entirely happy. I have never felt such joy than when I was with Will. He meant and means everything to me. I would have done anything for him too. I would have moved the stars for him. I never felt loved before. I've loved one other person, and that would be Kayla. But I never felt the unbriddled love that I did with Will. And now all my memories of him are tainted. How long did he like you? How long were you stealing him away from me? How long did I pour every broken part of myself into a relationship that you were just going to fuck up. All you did for the last couple of months was lie to me and make me feel isolated. If I seemed distant, it was because I felt put out by you. But oh no. Laurel is my best friend. She would never screw me over. She would never steal away the one thing that brings me complete joy. You've broken me. I'll never trust anyone completely ever again. I'll never be able to have a relationship again without wondering if someone close to me is going to come in and screw it up. I hope you're happy. I know I'm not. My marks floundered at the end because of you. I was too busy having panic attacks during my history exam to do well on it. I was too busy being sick from hunger, but anble to eat to concentrate. I'm too busy now, feeling sick, tired, stressed, abandoned, abused, broken to be able to do anything. But hey. I'm leaving in 26 days. Then I'll be out of your miserable life. And you can continue to fuck the boy that made my life worth it for three and a half months. I even began to believe that maybe I'd see the rest of my life. When I was with him, I wanted to live. Now relality has swarmed and I realized that my life expectancy is so short. Now I realize I will probably die without feeling such happiness again.

Congratulations, You've broken me.