[this is the noise that keeps me] :: AWAKE ::

Went come early from Cafe. Home around 7ish. Made food, cant remember what it was. Didnt taste good. Lied down on couch with the intention to think before going upstairs to room. Open eyes, check time, 9:17. Go upstairs, sit on bed, get ready to watch Brideshead Revisited. Wake up, check time, 2:03. Fumble for water, cant find it. Instead of turning on the light, I go downstairs and get another water bottle. Go to the washroom. Didnt take my makeup off before I feel asleep so my face is a mess of black eyeshadow. Wash fash, drink water, drink the remaining half of original water. Eat two packages of Rockets, not sure where they came from. Try to sleep. Try, try, try. Check time, 2:56. Try various methods to tire self out. Check time. 3:58. Go downstairs, make some toaster pancakes, use extra peanut butter. Drink another bottle of water. Go back upstairs, try to sleep. Check time, 4:32. Hate life. Check time, 8:04, Alarm is ringing. Victory in the face of insomnia. Still tired though. Stomache appreciates the idea of Four o'clock pancakes more than I do. Skip breakfast. Wash hair in sink, wash face again, over moisturize. Sit down to do makeup, not sure where Bolt is. Hear Bolt in the attic, go and retrieve her, try to do makeup again. Face works out well. Use too much wax in hair, rinse hair, try again. Frustration. Punch wall. This does nothing. Rinse hair, try once more, works out fairly well. Miss first bus. Notice hair is getting long, starting to curl. Express distaste. Call mom, explain bad sleep schedule. Say goodbye, walk out to the bus stop. Get on Cat-Woods, go to the Kingston Centre. Loiter in Jumbo Video for fifteen minutes. Go out to the station, check facebook on phone. Get on 71. Girl I have a crush on gets on bus, heart thumps, hopes she gets off at the Frontenac Mall. She doesnt. At work an hour early. Get tea, plug in laptop. Post what a shitty night I had.

[i look at the] :: STARS ::

Im going through my music and I find that a lot of it is some combination of sad, screamy, angry and loud. Even my classical music is emo. Fuck. I need happy music that ISNT Gunther or Aqua, which, as you know, are bands that cant be taken seriously. Ever.

(no subject)

Dont get me wrong. I love my job. I love it to pieces. I just sometimes wish I didnt work in such a fucking cave. Its a big cavern of a store with old mercury based lights that flicker off and stay off if the power so much as thinks of going off. Beyond that, there is no heater, every sound reverberates, including those of screaming children, and the only sunlight I ever see while on shift is whatever is reflected off the plexiglass doors of the empty storefront across the hall from me. 

I need to work in a bookstore that has some nice big glass windows to let the sunlight in. Artificial lights hurt my eyes like a fucker.

[it never] :: CROSSED :: [my] :: MIND::

Have finally met the other Peter. Excitement. =3

Its very nice to see a family unit such as theirs. I forget that not everyone has the same family dynamic as I do, and that some families manage to be cohesive and love eachother and all those snuggly feelings. Hell, its the strangest thing in the world when I meet someone who genuinely likes their father.

I spend so much time on my own, I forget that people arent like me. They arent quite as emotionally stunted, they occasionally have hopes and dreams, and, heaven forbid, career paths. I need to remember these things now that Im beginning to be a functional member of an online community. Not everyone is as fucked up as I am, period. Remember this.