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So remember that idiot thing I did?
So. Friday the 20. The day happened. Around nine thirty PM, I went down to see if the Busquers were still out. They werent. I came home. When I got home, Will was there. I hadnt seen him all day.
W: I'm just grabbing some games and going back.
J: Would you bring the rest of the books to Laurel then?
W: I havent been at Laurels. I've been at Sams all day.
Oh. So then I ask him if maybe I can walk him down. I leash up Vincent and we head out. We make idle chatter. Then we get to the apartment, and I ask if I could maybe just take a look at the place. Answer is yes, I go up. I visit the bunny, I take a quick look around, I offer to leave. He tells me I dont have to. I take a seat on the floor by the bunny cage. We talk a bit. He asks me if there's any reason I came over, I say that I just wanted to spend some time with him. He is placated by this answer a bit.
Something seems to be bothering him, so I bug him about it a bit. Eventually he spills. He says he wants the pie and the cake, but only because the cake isnt giving him sex. Guess who is who. I chatter a bit about that in a slightly humorous way. It essentially ends at, Gee that sucks. But we all know how pie is with sex.
After a little while fo sitting awkwardly, he wants to know if I'd like to watch a movie. Sure. He thinks From Hell would scare me. I tell him to put it in anyways. We go into the bedroom, where the tee vee is, and set up the movie. I place the dog on the bed, he lies down. Good doggy. Will lays on the bed, I sit on the floor next to the spot where the dog is. Why? Because I know that sitting on that bed is a bad idea. I know it is.
W: You can sit on the bed you know.
I'm hurting, my resolve is weakened. I get up, and I sit on the covers next to him. Somewhere along the way, a poke and nudge war is established. He asks me why I'm poking him. I say no reason. He doesnt believe me. Poke war continues. He asks again. I tell him that He's warm and I miss physical contact, and that I'll stop. He puts his hand on mine and tells me that I dont have to. I feel my heart flutter.
He mentions bad acne on his back. I offer to look at it. But I need to hit hte light. I go to get up. He holds me. It feels like home. It was feeling his warmth and hearing his breath and smelling his unforgettable feromone mix that heavilly disabled me. I made a few more attempts at the light, just to feel him hold me. He says as much. He thinks I'm only struggling so he can hold me. I tell him he's part way right.
I cant remember when we kiss. But I tell him its a bad idea. I tell him I'm putting him in a bad position. He agrees. But I still suck at kissing and he wants to show me how. I miss kissing him. I almost forget what it feels like. His hands wander, and I come to the full realization that I cant stop this. My brain shuts off and my body takes over.
We have sex. In between, we sit/lay there, out of breath. I feel happy and guilty. I havent felt this type of happy since they broke up with me. And it happens again. And then I hold him and tell him that I miss him. He misses me too. He still cares for me. I'll always care for him.
I need to leave now. Its two in the morning and I was supposed to be back at 11. I take the dog, who patiently waited on the bed the entire time, my clothes, after a hunt for panties, and I leave. The guilt really hasnt kicked in yet.
I know what you're thinking. And no. I didnt do it to hurt her. I did it for me. I did it because I wanted one last moment of what we had. I know. Sex isnt love. But the fact that he says that I'm attractive and is willing to ly there with me and let me feel his warmth. I love him. I just wanted one last moment of closeness.
And I'm sure you realize that, yes, I was used for sex. He said to the contrary the next morning. I did ask, when I went to visit him. He says that he didnt use me for sex. That it was sort of a carry on from what we had. It very well could be. But on a base level, he isnt getting any, and I was easy.
So. Friday the 20. The day happened. Around nine thirty PM, I went down to see if the Busquers were still out. They werent. I came home. When I got home, Will was there. I hadnt seen him all day.
W: I'm just grabbing some games and going back.
J: Would you bring the rest of the books to Laurel then?
W: I havent been at Laurels. I've been at Sams all day.
Oh. So then I ask him if maybe I can walk him down. I leash up Vincent and we head out. We make idle chatter. Then we get to the apartment, and I ask if I could maybe just take a look at the place. Answer is yes, I go up. I visit the bunny, I take a quick look around, I offer to leave. He tells me I dont have to. I take a seat on the floor by the bunny cage. We talk a bit. He asks me if there's any reason I came over, I say that I just wanted to spend some time with him. He is placated by this answer a bit.
Something seems to be bothering him, so I bug him about it a bit. Eventually he spills. He says he wants the pie and the cake, but only because the cake isnt giving him sex. Guess who is who. I chatter a bit about that in a slightly humorous way. It essentially ends at, Gee that sucks. But we all know how pie is with sex.
After a little while fo sitting awkwardly, he wants to know if I'd like to watch a movie. Sure. He thinks From Hell would scare me. I tell him to put it in anyways. We go into the bedroom, where the tee vee is, and set up the movie. I place the dog on the bed, he lies down. Good doggy. Will lays on the bed, I sit on the floor next to the spot where the dog is. Why? Because I know that sitting on that bed is a bad idea. I know it is.
W: You can sit on the bed you know.
I'm hurting, my resolve is weakened. I get up, and I sit on the covers next to him. Somewhere along the way, a poke and nudge war is established. He asks me why I'm poking him. I say no reason. He doesnt believe me. Poke war continues. He asks again. I tell him that He's warm and I miss physical contact, and that I'll stop. He puts his hand on mine and tells me that I dont have to. I feel my heart flutter.
He mentions bad acne on his back. I offer to look at it. But I need to hit hte light. I go to get up. He holds me. It feels like home. It was feeling his warmth and hearing his breath and smelling his unforgettable feromone mix that heavilly disabled me. I made a few more attempts at the light, just to feel him hold me. He says as much. He thinks I'm only struggling so he can hold me. I tell him he's part way right.
I cant remember when we kiss. But I tell him its a bad idea. I tell him I'm putting him in a bad position. He agrees. But I still suck at kissing and he wants to show me how. I miss kissing him. I almost forget what it feels like. His hands wander, and I come to the full realization that I cant stop this. My brain shuts off and my body takes over.
We have sex. In between, we sit/lay there, out of breath. I feel happy and guilty. I havent felt this type of happy since they broke up with me. And it happens again. And then I hold him and tell him that I miss him. He misses me too. He still cares for me. I'll always care for him.
I need to leave now. Its two in the morning and I was supposed to be back at 11. I take the dog, who patiently waited on the bed the entire time, my clothes, after a hunt for panties, and I leave. The guilt really hasnt kicked in yet.
I know what you're thinking. And no. I didnt do it to hurt her. I did it for me. I did it because I wanted one last moment of what we had. I know. Sex isnt love. But the fact that he says that I'm attractive and is willing to ly there with me and let me feel his warmth. I love him. I just wanted one last moment of closeness.
And I'm sure you realize that, yes, I was used for sex. He said to the contrary the next morning. I did ask, when I went to visit him. He says that he didnt use me for sex. That it was sort of a carry on from what we had. It very well could be. But on a base level, he isnt getting any, and I was easy.
From: (Anonymous)
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