(no subject)

He says there is a chance that we might get back together.

I'm not sure if that'll happen. He doesnt feel any difference from when we were dating. So then what? He can go on, get a new girlfriend, and I'll still be here, exactly the same. 

I need to make him feel a difference. But at the same time, I dont want to lose the closeness that we had, that there are still ghosts of.

Today, biking home, I began to cry. They sat on a bench with me for an hour. 

I cant remember what our last kiss was like...

I cant remember who I was before.

I cant sleep, I cant eat. My chest hurts from panic attacks, and my back hurts from hunching over in tears.

I need to communicate what I feel to him. Because I never did that.

I need to let everything go to get anything back.