(no subject)

My worry has been allieviated a bit. I feel a bit better even though technically I shouldnt.

Things are starting to look up a bit, and I can only hope that they keep looking up. Im not sure how much more crisis I can take before I have to step off for a few days to reorient myself.

I'd gotten so used to being a lone dot that I forgot what it was like to have friends, and beyond that, I forgot what it was like to try to help people. Its very draining, but kind of fulfilling. It makes me feel like I'm making a difference, and the trick here is not falling into the same pitholes that I've managed to get myself into every time I start to get better. This isnt going to be a repeat preformance of any of them.

I need to remember to keep an eye on myself and make sure not to neglect me as I've done every time.

(no subject)

In an act of rebellion, I am going to do a meme.

WAITWIAT. Before you call me on that one.

Its a Facebook meme!

Anyways. This is the meme where you list 25 random//interesting things about yourself. I also am officially tagging everyone on my flist to do this as well, but since like, five of you actually read this thing I'm going to rely on my more popular friends to pass this around.


( 25 things. )

[i drive to] :: ELIMINATE :: [the ball that i'm chained to]

This is more for me than anyone else.

Tattoo's I intend to get.

Heroes eclipse silhouette. Back of right upper arm.
FF VII Meteor silhouette. Back of left upper arm.
"Are you made of stardust too?" Wrap around left arm above elbow.
"Are the angels after you?" Wrap around right arm above elbow.
Antique birdcage. Chest, over heart.
Ornate violin. Left wrist.
Purple TBM bunny. Behind right ear.
Brown Jakalope. Behind left ear.
Polarbear with the word "IOREK" right ribcage.
VII back of left wrist.
X Back of neck
XIII back of right wrist.

Amount of money this will cost; A whole fucking lot.

EDIT; Okay. Im going to actually try to figure out how much this will cost.

1 and 2 can probably get done together, I'm thinking 140.
3 80-90.
4 70-85
5 80
6 80
7 Kayla said she got hers for 80 in town, so I'll go talk to them.
8 Probably the same as above. 80.
9. 100
10, 11 and 12 can be done at the same time, 120 tops.

855.

As is;

RENT; 110
Indestructible; 60
Wicked + VM + Heartless + Nobody; 400 (These were gotten with a tattoo credit plus a bit extra on my end)

570 dollars on me as is. I may have underestimated on the Tattoo's to get.

(no subject)

"We start out in identical perfection: bright, reflective, full of sun. The accident of our lives bruises us into dirty individuality. We meet with grief. Our character dulls and tarnishes. We meet with guilt. We know, we know: the price of living is corruption. There isn't as much light as there once was. In the grave we lapse back into undifferentiated sameness."

-- A lion among men; Gregory Maguire.

[all you want to do is] :: HURT ME ::

One problem that I've been having is that whenever I'm on facebook, I get the overwhelming urge to check up on them. Him and her, I check their profiles all the time, and I see pictures of them happy together and it kills me. And I just cant let it go, and I cant let myself move on and heal.

Well, today I left my highschool network on Facebook and their profiles are closed to  me. There is no going back, no rejoining and checking anymore. Its done, its finished, and Im not sure how I feel about it, but I can stop tormenting myself now.